WHO IS AMY D. . . ?
"Tell me about yourself?"... Could there be a more vague question? What do you want to know? Do you want the exterior version where I tell you that "I'm a fun, bubbly mother of two." or, do you want the truth.. Lets go with the truth... Who am I? I could tell you that "I'm a confident, patient, selfless woman that loves every inch of my body and who I am." But that would be a slight over exaggeration of the truth. Truth is, I often doubt myself, in my decisions and my appearance. Sometimes I get impatient with my kids or my tolerance hits an all time low. Sometimes, I'm selfish.
But I'm also a dreamer, an artist and a idealist.
I understand that each and every one of us are on a journey through this life and we are all seeking different outcomes. What outcome am I seeking? Well I'm not 100% sure yet. I also know that as I travel through my journey, I will probably change my views, thoughts, feelings and even who I might be, throughout this journey. Because with every encounter, every experience, every day, I will witness something new that will impact me and how I view this world, and hence, impact who I am as a person.
This idea of change works just the same for our bodies. We will experience so many things in our lifetime that will impact the physical appearance of our bodies, it would be silly to think that our body could withstand an entire lifetime and come out completely unscathed. Do people really believe that that could be possible? In my lifetime (so far) my body has experienced growth spurts, childhood accidents, puberty, 2 pregnancies, breast feeding 2 babies and fluctuating weight patterns. Naturally, my body has changed with these experiences and whether good or bad, it is now up to me how I decide to view myself and my ever changing body. Now, by no means am I saying that I've "had it hard", or that I'm unhappy with these changes, I'm simply acknowledging that there has been change and that there will be more changes as I continue along my journey. Its up to me how I decide to perceive these changes. Only I can determine whether they are good or bad. The sooner we realise that all things physical (i.e. our appearance) end with how we choose to perceive them mentally, the sooner we can start taking control of our bodies.
So who am I, well today I'm going to tell you that I am a defiantly determined woman, longing for change in a world that constantly tells us that a woman's confidence is seen as arrogance and our self-doubt is being held up as some kind of modesty. I'm going to tell you that this kind of thinking, is backwards. I'm here to change this. I AM all of the above mentioned descriptions.
I AM confident that this change will happen.
I AM doubtful that I can do it on my own.
I AM patient in the understanding that this change only occurs on an individual basis.
I AM impatient to the fact that this change will take time.
IAM selfless in this act of aiding another.
I AM selfish in the knowledge that this dream has come only from my own thoughts and feelings and not another.
...and you know what..? I'll do all if this, whilst being the fun, bubbly, mother of two ;)
As for today, I am all of these things, and perhaps at first, you might perceive self-doubt, impatience and selflessness as a negative, it is simply how you choose to view these aspects of who you are at this point in your journey. I am choosing to acknowledge all the good and the perceived bad within my personality and transfer them into thoughts and feelings that are useful to who I want to be. Only you, can determine who you are and only you, can change who you are.
UNDERNEATH IAM DEFIANT.